The Next Step
Over the past few months I have been amazed at how God has moved in my life. Shortly after I graduated from seminary (Spring ’07) people would ask if I was interested in pursuing a PhD. My guess is because it seemed like the logical next step. Nevertheless, they asked and I always dismissed the notion because quite frankly, I had more than enough school. My heart was closed off to the idea and the door was welded shut. Period.
However, God whipped out his WD-40, broke the weld and greased the door. He has begun a work in my heart that is turning into a movement in my life. In my current role as Minister of Adults I am able to do what I absolutely love! I am privileged to create and lead environments where people can strive to become transformed into the image of Jesus. I celebrate my place in life and while storms definitely roll in,my faith helps me keep standing ready for whatever decides to come my way. Thank you Lord! This assignment that I am undertaking as MOA is a great one, yet my graduate school training illuminates a need in my present context.
As I wrestle with this need and seek counsel from men and women of God, I am led to a decision that I’m not surprised by, but am appropriately scared of embracing. Pursuing a PhD. Given the past semester of life, it’s clear that pursuing a PhD is the right step for me at this point in my life. Am I crazy? Probably. Have I thought it through? Yes. Is my family on board? Yes. Is this a smart thing? I believe so.
I believe God is calling me to yet again challenge the status quo in my current role and PhD work can/will help equip me to make this upcoming challenge I have coming my way a doozy. As I have been forewarned there is a lot of writing, late night studying, library trips, reading, facing deadlines etc. It’s a high mountain to climb…but the view will be great!
JR
My group is no longer a priority. HELP!
We’ve all been there right? The small group pastor asks us to lead a small group or maybe it was a ministry leader, or your spouse, or maybe you simply had a desire to launch your own group. Inevitably we end up as a small group leader and it starts out fantastic. Even though we started out a little cautious we’re loving group life and everything it brings. The people, the Bible study, the food, the stories! But then we come to a point where our kids have too many practices, we have too many long hours at work, too many events and engagements-and we find ourselves just too busy for pretty much anything.
There’s only so much life in a day right? Just take a moment and think of your day as a pie. 1 slice goes to work, 1 slice goes to family, 1 slice goes to your kid’s practices or associational meetings, 1 slice to church…we’re only given a certain number of slices and when they’re gone, we can do no more. And whether we like it or not, for so many of us we find ourselves out of slices. Some leaders then make the unwise move by making their existing slices smaller to give themselves more room for other things…which leads to the entire pie suffering…less time with family, less time to attend practices and games…less time for God. Inevitably though, we finally admit that we can’t take on any more things…we’re out of pie! What’s the first thing to go? Usually, volunteer service…in other words small group leadership/participation.
As leaders we begin to get this sense that not only am I as a leader worn out…but my members are worn out as well. We admit to ourselves that we want our small group to remain an important part of our life but unless something changes life is unmanageable and something has to give. How can we protect this wonderful experience that has helped us and the other members of our small groups from becoming a casualty of ‘the busy schedule’?
Here are a couple of suggestions:
- The first is to ensure or establish a group vision. I once heard George Barna say “vision is the air leaders breathe.” Make sure your group has one. A vision people can buy into makes busyness not so overwhelming because a byproduct of vision is priority.
Many groups that struggle with priority often do so because the group doesn’t have anything substantial to offer that can combat the busyness every group member faces day in and day out. Now don’t get me wrong, groups potentially have much to offer but without vision, a group is destined to be a place where not much is expected but attendance, a plate of hot food, and willingness to have a good time until…well forever I guess.
Leadership guru’s like John Maxwell will tell us that vision leaks. As leaders we must always be casting the group vision, keeping it in front of them. Furthermore, we should constantly look for ways for group members to experience movement towards your group’s vision. For example: if your group’s vision is to be a place where no one stands alone; and you get a call that Dave from your group just lost his dad…encourage your group to go to Dave to help him get the routine things done so he can take care of all the important things that go with losing a loved one.
Another example would be if you’re in a ladies group and Sarah, a single-mom with 3 kids and no relatives spends years getting her degree and is now approaching graduation; encourage your group to attend and be her cheering section…no one stands alone now has a tangible meaning for Sarah.
- Ask yourself “Are group meetings effective and meaningful?” We must always remember that people are busy and at times bend-over-backwards just to make it to group meetings. So as a leader, do you plan well? Are group members connecting with one another? Do you ask great questions that invoke discussion? Do you provide a safe environment such that people feel comfortable sharing? Does everyone have an opportunity to share? Does everyone feel heard? By asking yourself these questions you might discover some areas to work on…I know I’m constantly working on things to help me provide effective group meetings. Regularly engaging in this process of evaluation is a smart thing and will greatly decrease the probability of your meetings being found wanting.
People respect leaders who prepare. It communicates that you believe they are a priority to you. You’re just as busy, just as many events, practices, appointments, long work days. And despite all of that, you spent time preparing an experience that will put them into a position to grow closer to God…and people generally appreciate that type of dedication. And when it’s done well, small group meeting is no longer something they attend because it’s on the calendar…it becomes a priority.
Jesus in the marketplace?
There is a group at my church going through Tim Keller’s study The Reason for God and so far the reports are the conversation has been incredible! Actually it’s been a small group leader’s dream…everyone is engaging in discussion, people are being respectful to differing views, and all the leader is having to do is lob the question out there and then interject every once in a while….until recently. This group is comprised of Christians not new to their faith, so this study is not intimidating for them however the content of the conversation is such that it is slowly revealing the depth of their convictions. As a small group pastor this a critical time for a group. So I am driven to my knees in faith that God would guide their time and that His Spirit would equip the leader!
In talking with this leader, my belief that the quality of convictions are revealed rests in the response to the question Tim Keller provides in the study guide regarding keeping your Christian worldview out of the marketplace. The entire session explores the question “How can you say there is only one way to God?”. Themes of religious pluralism, tolerance, mutual exclusivity, and the exclusively inclusive Jesus permeated the conversation. According to the leader, when asked if they (the group) could separate Jesus from the marketplace the group was all too ready to contribute to this conversation stating that your relationship with Jesus should be so woven into you that it should be impossible to compromise the Christian worldview in the marketplace. Great answer?
The leader’s follow-up question then caused silence, averting eyes and staring at the floor. The leader asked them if indeed it’s true that the Christian worldview is so woven into our lives that it is impossible to separate you and Jesus, how many times in the past month have you brought Jesus to the marketplace? There are many ways a leader could handle and lead this conversation.
How would you?
What is Leadership?
Every morning when I drive my daughter to school I ask her if she plans to be a helper, a friend, and a leader. Her usual response is ‘yes’ but the other day she zinged me with a different response. I said “Are you going to be a leader today?” Her response was “Daddy what does a leader do?” It was a moment that seemed to freeze and I found myself wanting to say something which I believed to be a great response, but then I remembered all the different facets of leadership and the myriad of definitions out there.
I eventually told her that a leader is someone with the courage to do what others will not. Yet deep down I wanted to pull over and have a long chat and explain what I meant. Neverttheless, she said ‘Ok’ and hopped out of the car and went to school but I was left thinking how might I have responded better….I sense more posts coming on this subject.
How would you have described a leader to a 1st grader?
Dear Leader, Silence can be your friend.
When it comes to group life, whether we believe it or not, silence is our friend. Now this doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s a problem for us in pretty much every area of our life.
We wake up and we turn on the tv to watch the news. We get in the car to go to work and we turn on the radio, ipod, or we have a cd playing. We get to work and we’re bombarded with distractions only to get back in the car to drive home and again we have sound. It usually doesn’t change when we get home as we turn the tv on again to watch our shows…CSI, Glee, X Factor, Dancing with the Stars, Modern Family…then we go to bed and many of us are so conditioned for noise that we depend on it to fall asleep…electronic companies like Sony, Toshiba, and Visio have picked up on this and have for many years added timers to our tv’s…so we can set the timer and fall asleep while watching shows we’ve dvr’d.
We are conditioned for noise, for commotion, and this conditioning does not help the small group leader. In fact when we respond to silence by filling it with words when words are not needed, we limit our ability to push our people to wrestle with the lesson.
Now something important to keep in mind: There are times when you can use more silence than is necessary. For example, if you pick a content-heavy curriculum that has 35 minutes of video, you might have some trouble getting people to engage in discussion and so there will be lots of silence used. Here’s an example, a few years ago I found this curriculum that I thought was ‘da bomb’, however it had a lot of video and not only that, included in the video lesson was an application section by the teacher. So as we watched the video we learned a great deal but when it came time to discuss how this applied to our lives we had nothing to talk about…the teacher had already given us 3 application points…so we sort of looked at each other and said “Hm..that was interesting…that’s a lot to think about.” It was total epic fail on my part…I used way too much silence trying to get people to open up and share….and the result quite frankly was it was awkward. So make sure to always evaluate how much silence you’re using and for what reason…because it may be a signal that something is wrong.
On the flipside, silence can be a catalyst for learning. It can serve as that sharp stick that moves people to stop day dreaming and to engage in dialogue. When your people know and observe you being comfortable with silence, they will be more likely to engage in discussion. The natural tendency for a small group leader is to talk, talk, and then talk so more. Often times if people are looking at their Bible, or their shoes, leaders will panic and fill the panic/silence with words. What you and I should realize is that there will be a tipping point, a point where many in the group stop and say to themselves “oh man this guy/gal is just going to keep sitting there until someone says something.” That right there is progress. When your group realizes and accepts your comfort with silence that is a success because that person is now more alert and more likely to engage in conversation…the culture of the group has now been tweaked a bit. The expectation to participate is now more formed. You are making progress.
Here are 3 things you can do to help develop the skill of becoming comfortable with silence during discussion:
1) When you hear crickets…maintain eye contact with your group. But don’t stare or glare at them. A good rule of thumb is to look at someone in the eye during the silence for about 3-4 seconds and then move to the next person.
2) When you hear crickets…at first allow the silence to linger for about 10 seconds before you make any additional comments.
3) Be honest with your group and tell them, hey I like silence, I’m quite comfortable with it…but also acknowledge awkwardness if you slip up and use too much silence.
1-2 exercises you can do to become comfortable with silence:
1) Drive to work with the radio off and simply enjoy your surroundings.
2) Spend one morning or afternoon on cyber Sabbath-what is cyber Sabbath? Cyber Sabbath is where you are unplugged from the world. No tv, no smart phone (unless emergency), no radio, no computer, no video games…just enjoying the quietness being unplugged brings.
What would you add to this list?
Servant Leadership
Many thanks to Christianity Today’s small group division, smallgroups.com, for publishing my article on Servant Leadership! Check it out here.
Stay tuned as I am working on a series of posts on how to promote participation in your small group. All new content!
JR
Newbies at Group
We all know this, when newcomers arrive at group its awkward…especially if they get there last. People are standing around talking, catching up from the week, reconnecting; and then newcomers come in and there’s that weird-awkward pause when the newcomers make eye contact with the group and if there’s not many extroverts in the group-there’s a split second pause where no one does anything…hey group leader! That’s your cue! The group is waiting for you to break that awkwardness by introducing the newcomers to everyone in the group.
Now this may not come naturally to you, especially if you’re an introvert. One thing you might consider if that description fits you is to appoint someone in the group to be the “greeter” person. They introduce newcomers, they stay with them and help them mingle…they sit next to them during the meal…they walk along aside them until the newcomers get the hang of things. So the way newcomers enter the group and are introduced is a big deal and can be a deal-breaker for some people. Make sure to not mess that up right from the get-go.
A few things you should keep in mind when you have newbies attend your group:
1) No Orientation.
Don’t pull the newcomer aside and walk through the group covenant and orient them to the ‘rules of the road’. This simply isn’t necessary and may be an obstacle for them to join your group. In their eyes, you may come off pushy, arrogant, elitist and hopefully that’s not your heart so just stay away from it. I mean newcomers, they arrive with their guard up and are more than likely not going to want to hear, much less have a sit down about the group covenant…especially when they don’t even know everyone’s name.
2) Introduce. Introduce. Introduce.
When you start the Bible study portion of your group meeting make sure you go around the circle and have everyone share who they are and a couple of things about themselves…this can really go a long way. For example, we had a new couple visit our group and I asked everyone in the group to share their name, who they were married to and how they met, # of kids and how long they have been married-this served as our ice breaker as well. Interestingly it turned out that the newcomers instantly connected with another couple because both couples went to Texas A&M…all of the sudden they felt more at ease and were able to have a relaxed, engaging experience…so going around the circle and having every couple introduce themselves can go a long way.
3) Respectfully Engage.
My general practice is to not specifically call on newcomers during the study portion of Bible study. The majority of the time I don’t know much about them and that includes their spiritual situation. I don’t think I could live with myself if I knew that I had scared someone away from community because I asked them a question they didn’t have an idea what the answer was. I mean if they have very little Bible knowledge and have decided to take a leap of faith and are now giving community one shot…what do you think would happen if I asked them in front of the group “Joe could you share your thoughts with the group on what Paul meant by the Day of the Lord will not come until the man of lawlessness is revealed?” Man on man…he’d be dunzo with the group over the sheer embarrassment. However, if the newbie contributed to the discussion voluntarily I believe that gives the leader permission to throw some questions their way.
4) Follow Up.
If they visit your group, you should try to call them no later than 96 hrs after the group meeting. You taking time out of your busy schedule to call and thank them for coming, asking if they have any questions, and inviting them back the next week goes a long way and is a powerful communicator of value to many people. You want to make sure you don’t neglect this tip because it does wonders to your ability to keep those individuals/couples that come and visit your group.
Using these simple yet effective tips can really go far in making Group Life newbies feel welcome. I hope that you’ll give them a try!
Until next time!
JR
